We are the optometrists… …let us look deeply into your eyes…
Jonathan Dong, Writing/Direction/Production
[ http://jonathandong.com/ ]
Featuring Rich Miller and the Illinois College of Optometry c/o 2016
[ http://www.ico.edu/ ]
A Student Optometry School Parody based on “Thrift Shop” by Macklemore X Ryan Lewis, dir. Jon Jon Augustavo
[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK8mJJJvaes ]
Filmed March 2013 in Chicago, Illinois.
Special thanks to everyone involved, including the students, staff, and faculty of the Illinois College of Optometry, and a special shout-out to Communications and Media!
Disclaimer: The content of this video does not necessarily represent the views or policies of the Illinois College of Optometry.
[LYRICS]
I’m gonna pop some adds
Only got 20/40 with correction
I-I’m phoroptin’, lookin’ for a plusin’
This is presbyopic
Walk into the exam room like whaddup I got a white coat
Nah, I’m just pumped, got BIO in my side tote
Chart on the screen, ’bout to check some vision
The people like, “Damn, that’s a professional clinician”
Bottom line, whatcha see? O N P, L T E?
20/15 -3 at distance, hold this card for me
Stand lamp on the E, hopin’ for some good hygiene
Somethin’ funky in the air, prolly shoulda worked in Peds
But it’s a 9 to noon shift!
Wipin’, rettin’, refractin’, ’bout to go and get a trial lens
Patients seein’ clearer than ever with my prescriptions
Drop ’em and sendin’ ’em to the waiting room to dilate
60, 90, 120 minutes that ain’t too long to wait
I’ma take your UCT, I’ma take your ACT,
No, for real ask your grandpa, can I take his IOP?
Anterior chamber deep and quiet
Fluorescein stain that punctate keratitis
They had some hordeola, they popped some hordeola
And now they got infection gettin’ all up in their stroma
Tono, tono, it gotcha seein’ yellow
Stickin’ the tropicamide in your palpebral fizzho’
I could be poppin’ in the drops for the cyclo’
My colleagues be all like “Aw, he got aniso”
I’m gonna pop some adds
Only got 20/40 with correction
I-I’m phoroptin’, lookin’ for a plusin’
This is presbyopic
I’m gonna pop some adds
Only got 20/40 with correction
I-I’m phoroptin’, lookin’ for a plusin’
This is presbyopic
Whatcha know about diagnosin’ high myopic
Whatcha knowin’ about workin’ a PanOptic
I’m movin’, I’m pushin’, I search right through that fundus
Just one doc lookin’ at another man’s come on-
Thank your granddad for makin’ that appointment up hurr’
‘Cause right now I’m up in that vasculature
I’m at the ora, you can find me in those dentates
Comprehensive in and out to the tarsal plates
Occlusion, perfusion, contusion, concussion,
I think I’ll keep those eyes from fussin’
When I drop Fluress in that conjunctiva
Flippin’ lids to assess that conjunctiva
I hit that fornix and I stop in that conjunctiva
They be like “Oh, that PD, that’s hella tight”
I’m like “Yo, that’s 20 prism diopter eso”
With limited near vision, let’s do some simple addition
Five diopters and a prism will get ’em regaining fusion
I call that patient satisfaction
I call that buildin’ a better practice
Those frames are hella dough
With polycarbonate transitions
Scratch-resistant anti-glare on the lens coat
Peep game, come take a look through my telescope
Trying to get discounted name brands? Then you hella won’t
Man you hella won’t
(ICO! Poppin’ adds!)
I’m gonna pop some adds
Only got 20/40 with correction
I-I’m phoroptin’, lookin’ for a plusin’
This is presbyopic
I checked out both your poles
I gave you bifocals
Now you’re readin’ up close
At my clinic down the road
I checked out both your poles
I gave you bifocals
Now you’re readin’ up close
At my clinic down the road
I’m gonna pop some adds
Only got 20/40 with correction
I-I’m phoroptin’, lookin’ for a plusin’
This is presbyopic
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