Glimmers were first described by social worker and therapist Deb Dana in her 2018 book The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy: Engaging the Rhythm of Regulation. In the book, Dana provides a convincing neuroscience explanation for why glimmers are important. She claims that the positive impact of glimmers can be explained by polyvagal theory. This theory focuses on the function of the vagus nerve, which connects the brain to important organs such as the heart, lungs and digestive system and has two parts — dorsal and ventral. According to this theory, the dorsal vagus nerve response is the “freeze” that happens in times of intense fear, while the ventral vagus response calms and regulates our nervous system. Dana argues that glimmers activate the ventral vagus nerve response. However, this theory is increasingly questioned by scientists, as the scientific evidence for the vagus nerve response is really lacking. The other claims in this book, such as glimmers reducing anxiety or being particularly helpful for individuals who have experienced trauma, also have not been backed by research. This is a great example of a concept called “neurobabble” — which is the idea that people are more likely to believe scientific findings when they have a neuroscience explanation.
Regardless of this potential neurobabble and the lack of research on this topic, glimmers might still be important because they fit in perfectly with our understanding of positive psychology (translation: the field of research studying how to maximize happiness and life satisfaction). First, research finds that focusing on savoring an experience as you might when noticing a glimmer is associated with increased happiness during times of stress. We also have research showing that noticing moments of gratitude is associated with increased happiness and life satisfaction. Another line of research shows that finding meaning in your daily activities is associated with more happiness. Glimmers also encourage mindfulness (translation: paying attention to the present moment), which research finds can help parents to control their own emotions in challenging parenting situations, have more compassion for themselves and their child, and reduce parenting stress.
Overall translation
We don’t have any research on the concept of glimmers specifically but the positive psychology research we do have suggests that noticing glimmers might be helpful for you as a parent (and as a human more generally). This line of research also provides some suggestions for noticing and appreciating glimmers:
1. Savor the glimmer moments. Research finds that savoring the moments when you experience a glimmer might help to maximize happiness during challenging times. Savoring could include reflecting on a positive moment from the past, noticing a positive moment in the present, or anticipating a positive moment in the future. So when you are dealing with the daily hassles of parenting, try reflecting on past glimmer moments, noticing the glimmer moments right in front of you and thinking of what glimmer moments you might experience in the future.
2. Make note or mark the experience of glimmers in some way: The research we have on gratitude suggests that making gratitude lists is associated with increased happiness and life satisfaction. Try to keep a “glimmer journal” or write a note on your phone to keep track of the glimmers you experience. If you don’t have time to write down the glimmers (a very common experience among busy parents), then in your head or even out loud mark the moment as a “glimmer.” Take a moment to thank a higher power or even your child for this special experience.
3. Think about the meaning behind glimmers. Research finds that noticing meaning in activities of daily life is associated with increased happiness. When a glimmer occurs, think about why it is personally significant for you. For example, if your children hug each other, think about how your children having a close sibling bond is so important to you as a parent. If your child says something sweet to you, think about how wonderful it is to be raising a kind child.
4. Be present. Glimmers occur in the present moment, so you need to be present to notice them. The research on mindfulness suggests that simply being present may have a positive impact on parenting. One way to be more present is the 5-4-3-2-1 method, in which you notice five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell and one thing you can taste. If your phone is a distraction, as it is for so many of us, try putting it in another room while you are with your child.
5. Enjoy what you have rather than always wishing it were better. Research finds that some people tend to be satisfied with what they have while some people are always looking for better. Being satisfied with what you have might help you to experience more glimmers. For example, rather than thinking that you should be on a fabulous beach vacation, notice how nice it is to eat popsicles with your child on a hot summer day.
6. Adjust your schedule to make room for glimmers. Notice when and where you experience glimmers. Then try to maximize them in your life by scheduling activities that help you to experience more glimmers. Research finds that intentionally scheduling positive activities that you enjoy improves your mood. For example, you might notice more glimmers when you are outside in nature with your kids or when you are cuddling with you kids in bed. Prioritize these moments with your children and wait for the glimmers to occur naturally!