(RNS) — When Lovina Zook put her traditional, dark green Amish dress back on for the video that catapulted her into online fame, butterflies flooded her stomach.

“There was a sense of panic that I’m going to be trapped again,” Zook said. 

Zook, now 23, had left her Iowa community of Swartzentruber Amish, one of the faith’s most conservative affiliations, just before she turned 18. Years later, in 2024, she decided to make a video following the “everyone has a backstory” trend on TikTok, where she had started posting casually after growing up in a religious tradition that forbade her from using technology.

At first, she said, she did not know what her backstory was. Then, it clicked.

In the video, Zook appears in workout clothes, mouthing the words, “I’m not just a bitch.” Then the video cuts to a shot of her in a dark green Amish dress: “I’m a bitch with a backstory.” The video has 1.2 million likes and 45 million views on the video app.

Almost immediately, users flooded her comments with questions about her former Amish life, her childhood and her dress.

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“I answered so many comments those first several days,” Zook said. “That was on a Saturday. By Tuesday, I had over 300,000 followers.”

When Zook left home in 2021, she greased the hinges on the door of her family’s house with vegetable oil so as not to wake her mother, hid behind a bale of hay and fled. She eventually connected with her older brother, who had left the family years earlier. She remembers weighing the decision.

“If I leave the Amish, I’m giving up my chance at heaven,” Zook said she recalls thinking. “I’m never going to go to heaven. I am going to live an evil life, but at least I can live a life where I get to make my own choices.”

Lovina Zook took her first photo in non-Amish clothes a week after leaving the Amish. Photo courtesy of Zook

Zook has become an unlikely TikTok star, using technology once forbidden to her and building an audience of 3.4 million followers. Now in her second trimester of pregnancy with her first child and living in North Texas with her husband, Eli Zook, who is also ex-Amish, Zook films herself cooking Amish food and reinterpreting a tradition she fled, while complicating the internet’s “trad wife” fantasies and outsiders’ romantic ideas about the Amish.

“That dress now does not symbolize hurt,” Zook said. “Now that dress symbolizes freedom.”

Karen Johnson-Weiner, a scholar of Amish women, said that in many Amish communities, which practice forms of Anabaptist Christianity, baptism typically occurs around age 17 or 18. It signifies not only induction into the church, she said, but also a lifelong promise to God to live according to the church’s ordinances.

“When you commit to baptism, you’re saying that you’re going to defend with your life the church and its ordinances, its guidelines,” Johnson-Weiner said.

Zook, who left her family months shy of being baptized, said she felt the pressure building as the date grew closer.

“Things were very, very much piling up. I didn’t want to get baptized, but it was the right thing to do, and because I followed all the rules, I was like, well, I don’t have a choice,” she said. “Once you start instructions, you’re basically a member of the church. And once you’re a member of the church, if you do not follow every rule to a T, you get shunned.”

After leaving the Amish, Zook spent years cleaning houses and traveling with other ex-Amish young adults in Minnesota. She later moved to Texas with Eli Zook, who had left an Amish community in Nebraska at 17.

The two were working long hours — he in construction, she cleaning houses — and expected to keep taking work where they could. But as Zook’s audience grew, she said, she began spending hours going live, answering questions and making videos.

“People were like, you need to cook, you need to make Amish content, like Amish food,” said Zook, who already loved cooking.

One of her first popular cooking videos shows her making “coffee soup,” a common Amish dish made with boiled milk, instant coffee, brown sugar and crushed saltine crackers. On TikTok, she shows how to prepare dishes like poor man’s steak, raisin pie filling and Amish-style fruit pizza. Sometimes, she posts videos answering questions about Amish life and her experiences growing up. Her videos have collectively drawn nearly 100 million views.

She has also published a cookbook, “Lovina’s Amish Cooking,” with more than 200 recipes, some with Amish recipes and others with recipes she developed herself.

Much of the response has been positive, with followers expressing curiosity about the Amish lifestyle and commenting on her cooking methods, her attitude, her direct eye contact with the camera, her accent.

“Never heard her accent,” one TikTok user wrote. Zook grew up speaking Pennsylvania Dutch.

As her pregnancy progresses, she said, she may need to order more green fabric to adjust her traditional dress for comfort.

“We won’t judge or leave if you want to wear comfy regular clothes right now,” one TikTok user wrote.

@lovina_zook2 ingredients and it’s so good. My Amish cookbooks are available over on my website ➡️♬ original sound – Lovina

There is a popular social media genre known as “trad wife,” in which women often share videos of cooking, homemaking, traditional dress and a simpler domestic life. Despite the similarity of Zook’s content, she said she does not identify with the label. She sees it as an unnecessary online category applied to behavior, cooking, cleaning and domestic work — and one that often gets a negative spin.

“You can do trad wife things and not be a trad wife,” she said.

Eli Zook, who works alongside his wife to help produce her books, said she also does not fit the stereotype because she leads much of the business.

“With her business, she has made most of the money that we have, and so, you know, she makes decisions on the front of the business,” he said.






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